It ain't my kid, it don't look like me
It don't look like no one in my family
Why'd ya bring me on the show today?
Say you wanna check my DNA
It ain't my kid, it don't look like me

Them ain't my ears
That's not my chin
We ain't even got the same color skin
It ain't my kid, don't look at all like me
 

We got it on a long long time ago
We kicked it once and then I had to blow
I didn't hear again 'til yesterday
Say I'm the one and I gotta pay
But it can't be my kid, it don't look like me

The woman's a ho
She always tells lies
Could-a' been any one of six other guys
It ain't my kid, don't look a thing like me
 

    Of course, if the test proves conclusively that I am the boy's biological father, I'll act like a man and assume my parental responsibility.
    I'll be in his life.
    I'll show up regularly -- every week or so.
    I'll take him fishing and for pony rides.
    I'll be a role model for him.
    I'll show him what it means to be a man.
 

    A'-course
It ain't my kid, it don't even look like me
It don't look like nothin' in my fam'ly tree
Why'd ya haul me on the show today?
Say ya wanna check my DNA
It ain't my kid, it don't look like me

Its feet are on backwards
Its skin is all green
I think that it's an alien bein'
It's not my kid, it sure don't look like me
 

    I'm a hundred and fifty percent certain it ain't my kid!
    I to'd ja
    I to'd ja
    . . . I to'd ja . . .
 
 

-- by Josh Wachtel and Alexei Panshin